CAPTAIN AMERICA: BRAVE NEW WORLD -or- CAP'N CRUNCH: MARVEL NEEDS A BRAND NEW SHITCK AKA 180 million bucks of background noise.

NOSFERATU -or- THE BITE-MAN COMETH... FOR YO GURL! AKA Almost there…

GLADIATOR II -or- FIGHT MAYNE: ONE MO' TIME AKA "There once was a dream that was Rome... it was OK, I guess. Maybe not."

MEGALOPOLIS -or- APHRONOPOLIS AKA Francis Ford Coppola's Batshit Bullshit Bacchanalia - A F#uckery

BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE -or- BOOTYJUICE BOOTYJUICE AKA "Timmy, put the camera down. It's time for bed."

ALIEN: ROMULUS -or- ALIEN: MODICUS AKA A perfectly serviceable movie

DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE -or- RYAN AND HUGH'S VIOLENT PLAY-DATE AKA A totally enjoyable, cartoonishly violent, popcorn buttered nothing...

THE ACOLYTE -or- THE COPROPHYTE AKA I'll take "How to smell your own farts" for 180 million, Alex.

FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA -or- PONDEROSA: THIS STEAK IS... NOT GOOD. AKA Another LONG, pretty nothing.

REBEL MOON PT.2: THE SCARGIVER -or- SUBPAR WARS PT.2: THE TURDGIVER AKA ...WHY? Just, why?

FALLOUT -or- FALLOUT WITH YOUR BALL OUT AKA Now, fix Rings of Power.

GHOSTBUSTERS: FROZEN EMPIRE -or- DUSTBUSTERS: A MORE EXCITING MOVIE AKA An unfunny, unfocused, freeze-dried turdlet of a flick.

DUNE PT. 2 -or- BIG MOVIE PT. 2: MOR BIGGER AKA Don't let Denis F#ck up any more Dune books. Let him strip-mine Battlefield Earth.

MADAME WEB -or- MADAME, THOU DOTH SEEITH THIS MOVIE IS SHITE, METHINKS AKA Sony is trolling us, right?

REBEL MOON - PT. 1: A CHILD OF FIRE -or- SUBPAR WARS: A TIRED HOPE AKA How much of that 166 mil went to mountains of flake?

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER -or- ROGUE ONE: THE DRACULA EDITION *AKA* Almost but not quite. This flick sacrifices sense for more teeth.

INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY -or- THE OVERLONG GERITOL COMMERCIAL *AKA* Disney: Now that we got those old bastards out of the way..

THE FLASH -or- FLASH IN THE PANTS: NO WAY HOME *AKA* Flashpoint... Kinda.

EVIL DEAD RISE or NATUROM DUMB-MONTO *AKA* Another pretty, dumb thing…

RENFIELD -or- DRACULA'S BEE'YOTCH: AIDE DU CAMP DES DAMNÉS *AKA* A bloody okay PSA