THE ACOLYTE -or- THE COPROPHYTE AKA I'll take "How to smell your own farts" for 180 million, Alex.
Release Date 04Jun2024
This show is bad.
Star Wars: The Acolyte is the sixth live action series in the Star Wars franchise created by GEORGE LUCAS, and starting with the original feature film in 1977.
The Acolyte, ostensibly a mystery story, concerns the enigma surrounding several Jedi murders that are connected to two force sensitive "Twins" during the "High Republic" era of the SW universe - approximately 100 years before the prequel movies. It trades in the Chanbara (sword fighting) film aesthetic of Japan, for the Wuxia (martial arts and chivalry) of China, a choice that proves to be its best quality.
It fails miserably at the mystery part, the part I was genuinely excited about, and much of the rest. Without giving away the guts of this big, fatuous, nothing-salad, here's the plot.
An assassin is bumping off Jedi, other Jedi investigate, everything is obvious - except to the Jedi. Plot conveniences, nonsensical motivations, long stretches of aimless exposition and staring blankly, a couple of truly exciting pieces of action choreography ineptly intercut with more staring blankly, and dialogue that makes Lucas's sound like Hemingway (woof) - all stitched together with... yes friends, the f#ckery.
A failure of vision, imagination, and ultimately – leadership.
THE GOOD:
While this show doesn't look bad, boasting production value on par with feature films in this series, the real ace is the action and choreography work done by MARK GINTHER, CHRISTOPHER CLARK COWAN, GUILLERMO GRISPO, LU JUNCHANG and team. The energy and inventiveness of their work was one of the few things genuinely laudable about this show. The one other bright spot is S. Korean actor LEE JUNG-JAE, who brings a level of depth and pathos to his Jedi character that belies his and everyone else's lack of proper character development.
THE BAD:
PFFT! The mystery is obvious. The character, story, plot - all wafer thin. The veneer of cheapness is like the worst of YA novels. Promoting then underutilizing CARRIE-ANNE MOSS (love her). Putting young actress and musician AMANDLA STENBERG at the center of this piss-pot, then giving her nothing really to do but kung-fu and STARING. Spending an insane amount of money on 8 badly cut episode of a mediocre 4 hour movie. Bungling what could have been an interesting take on the yin and yang of the SW franchise. Finally, being a boring, malodorous, pair of juggled monkey-nuts.
SEE IT:
(sighs) STREAM? NO! There's really great stuff out there, done by people who aren't famous, that is actually worth your time. Support indie creators, end your subscriptions.
DON'T SEE IT:
Correct. Instead, I'll suggest 5 alternatives that, if not a better use of your time, will at least be far more amusing. To someone.
1. Paint eyes... on your eyes! What fun, SEE!
2. Summit Everest in the buff!
3. Microwave your hand!
4. Perform genetic enhancement on your children! KHAAAAN!
5. Buy tickets to an event horizon! FREE SPAGHETTI!
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