top of page
  • Writer's pictureNick C. Goins Jr.

The Pissed Take - Rebel Moon Pt 2: The Scargiver

REBEL MOON PT.2: THE SCARGIVER -or- SUBPAR WARS PT.2: THE TURDGIVER AKA ...WHY? Just, why?


Release Date: 12April2024


This movie blows lemur, whilst sharting the bed at superluminal speeds.


REBEL MOON 2 is the second half of ZACH SNYDER's failed Star Wars pitch to Disney. It is no surprise either, as a blind man can still smell shite.


Starting with a spoken recap of pt. 1 by ANTHONY HOPKIN's mechanical knight "Jimmy", the next 120 minutes are an interminable morass of slo-mo, scifi cliques, and half-baked dreck.


I refuse to summarize. Instead I'd like to humbly suggest 5 alternatives to amuse yourselves.


1. Glue your eyelids to an L train in Chicago, during the winter.

2. Origame your fingers. Look, an airplane!

3. Give yourself a ghost pepper colonic. These pipes... are clean!

4. Super glue your immediate family to yourself. Family is everything!

5. Watch STARCRASH. A far better movie than this one.


THE GOOD:

It ended, eventually.


THE BAD:

Slow motion wheat reaping, much excite. A lead, supporting characters, and antagonists that arent compelling in the least. A story that seems to posit "What if you made STAR WARS suck, then infused it with the worst parts of all of the knockoffs?" An uninspired score. Boring design work, top to bottom. Finally, the gall to want to make at least 4 more. F#ck right off.


SEE IT!

Hahahahaha... NO!


DON'T SEE IT!

Stop rewarding mediocrity, and a lack of respect for your time and dime.



People in a field shooting at other people. The movie poster.
Rebel Moon Pt. 2 Scargiver Poster

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page