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  • Nick C. Goins Jr.

The Pissed Take - Willow (2022 Series)

WILLOW (2022 Series) -or- WILL-NO! *AKA* The CW presents: The Dollar tree fantasy spectacular.


Release Date 30Nov2022.

This show is IBS bad. No spoilers.

WILLOW the series is a poorly serialized adaption of the 1988 fantasy film of the same title directed by RON HOWARD, and starring WARWICK DAVIS as the title character, as well as JOANNE WHALLEY, VAL KILMER, and JEAN MARSH.

The '88 film (that I love) was a briskly paced, charming, and sweet little Celtic mythology inspired fantasy movie about a diminutive would-be sorcerer on a journey to protect a special child from an evil sorceress who fears her downfall due to said child - blahblahblah. 2 hours and 6 minutes of genuinely enjoyable adventure follow. Not the greatest movie ever, definitely derivative of other works, but it had something this vapid follow-up couldn't muster with all of the magic in the world: CHARM.

Set 20+ years after the film, this series is about a group of really dumb people going on a really dumb quest and doing dumb things along the way. The title character returns as a side character.

This show is the product of NEPOTISM and possibly back-alley "sucky", plain and simple. JOHNATHAN KASDAN and team have spewed out something so epically inept in design and execution, I have to wonder what is really going on at LUCASFILM.

To put a finer point on this: Imagine a YOUTUBE parody of a property (movie, series), with way more money behind it than YT projects have, but with a team of people who watched said property once, didn't understand what they watched, but decided to carry on anyway without an ounce of wit or intelligence between the lot of them. THIS.

Much has been said by the "Go woke, go broke" crowd, I haven't the patience to treat with such drooling imbecility. However, there is some merit to the contention that this show is like a CW teen drama. I actually submitted myself to some Youtube clips from that channel that had been mentioned in other reviews of this show... not far off.

THE GOOD:

NOTHING. This show is a perfect example of the incentivizing of mediocrity that I regularly speak about. I'm tempted to say something about AMAR CHADHA-PATEL's "Boorman", but any humor or charm that the actor attempts to bring to the proceedings is almost immediately lobotomized by the shit writing... so yeah.

THE BAD:

HAHAHAHAHAHAA!! ALL OF IT.

Warwick Davis seems to be reading cue cards, the younger cast members haven't a compelling reason to exist, the story is a putrescent potpourri of fantasy tropes, Disney doesn't seem to know what to do with ERIN KELLYMAN but have her play the same character, the intentionally anachronistic dialogue and music is neither clever or fun, the action scenes could shake the shits out of a brick, and there is a pall of cheapness that hovers over all 8 episodes.

SEE IT:

If you just don't care, and life is an endless tramp from one void of hopelessness and despair to the next. Also, if you're a Malort fan. Horrible people.

DON'T SEE IT:

If you're currently engaged in one of any of the following more worthy expenditures of time-

Nuclear Horticulture

Training clams as assassins

Competitive grooming

Yam tossing

Fighting a mailbox

Passive-aggressive Yodeling

Random acts of asparagus

Joining a sewing octagon

Meaningful flatulence

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