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  • Writer's pictureNick C. Goins Jr.

The Pissed Take - The Flash (2023)

THE FLASH -or- FLASH IN THE PANTS: NO WAY HOME *AKA* Flashpoint... Kinda.


Release Date 16Jun2023


This movie is OK - certainly NOT "One of the greatest Comic Book movies of all time". Also its star's real-life f#ckery is a definitive albatross around its neck.


THE FLASH (2023), the latest superhero flick from DC/WARNER/DISCOVERY is based on the DC COMICS speedster "The Flash" created by writer GARDNER FOX and artist HARRY LAMPERT, and first appearing in November of 1939.


The movie itself is a loose adaptation of the crossover "Flashpoint" story line by GEOFF JOHNS involving the character dealing with the effects of their powers in the multiverse, a concept introduced to the DC universe in another Flash story called "Flash of two worlds" in 1963 (The Flash #123).


No spoilers.


Some time after the f#ckery of "The Justice league" (either version) Barry Allen aka The Flash has to deal with being the JL's one man B-Team/ "Janitor". Due to a random and totally not convenient dialogue exchange, he decides to do something stupid with time travel. F#ck-Sh!ttery happens.


The Flash is a mess, but not an altogether unpleasant one, even though star EZRA MILLER's highly publicized actions cast a deep shadow over what is admittedly several good performances from them. Others, such as BEN AFFLECK's Batman and MICHAEL SHANNON's General Zod don't fare as well - both seem bored, uninterested, and uninvolved... but they got paid, so that's good.


THE GOOD:

MICHAEL KEATON's Batman from the TIM BURTON movies is THE high point of this movie, stepping neatly back into his cape and cowl, and giving a performance that suggests much has happened since we last saw him, without going into any particulars. SASHA CALLE is great as KARA ZOR-EL, even with limited screen time. MARIBEL VERDU also turns in a good performance as the ill-fated NORA ALLEN, the Flash's mother, and provides a strong emotional focal point for the film. A good deal of the humor, and all of the Batman stuff was great!


THE BAD:

There is a lack of focus for this modified story that made me think that the original story might have been more closely adhered to. The VFX, especially for a 200 mil price tag, should not be giving The Mummy returns a run for "Worst thing shart out by a computer". The babies…


There are "cameos"; they are ill conceived, and kinda WTFy. There is not quite enough of Keaton and Calle for my tastes as they're arguably the best parts of this movie. Finally, bringing Zod back might have made sense as this was meant to close out the "Snyderverse", however it doesn't make for a good storyline in this movie considering the changes in creative leadership. There was A LOT of meddling, and constant changes to the story and cast during the making of this movie. The resulting Frankensteinian stew is held together only by the cast members who aren't phoning it in.


SEE IT!

While there are "cinematic" moments worthy of the big screen-

STREAM HO!!!


DON'T SEE IT!

I don't actually care what you do, you bastidges.

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