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  • Nick C. Goins Jr.

The Pissed Take - Avatar: The Way of Water

Release Date 16Dec2022.


AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER -or- BLUE MAN POOP *AKA* Here we go again... again.

"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it." Kay, MIB.

There are so many things nearly a half billion could have been spent on other than this banal, 3 hour, retread of the first movie. A film just as flush with empty-headed spectacle as this one. No spoilers.

14 years after Jake Sully helped blue alien native caricatures defeat the evil human caricatures and kick them off their planet. Colonel Quaritch is back via cheap plot convenience, to hunt down Jake and fam (Who are hiding with space Maori), and continue with the humans new plans to colonize Pandora... because fuck unobtanium apparently. Oh yeah, special whale juice…

I am at a loss to understand just what the appeal of these films is. The story is "My first books" simple, the characters have the depth of a Petri dish, the list of purloined "inspiration" is longer than train smoke, and the entire show is little better than a long form theme park attraction.

THE GOOD:

One cannot deny the incredible technical display this movie puts on. A big contributor to the cost of this film is the development of motion capture that could be produced underwater.

THE BAD:

Everything else. The Avatar movies are as much a product of Hollywood excess as they are of the arrogance of Director & Producer James Cameron. The story exists purely to stitch together one vividly hued spectacle to the next. I didn't care about the characters, and the "messages" had all of the depth, nuance, and emotional resonance of burnt Play-doh.

SEE IT:

Whatever. You want to pan-fry brain cells, that's your business.

DON'T SEE IT:

Because HE/SHE/THEY had you at "Colonic Hydrotherapy".

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