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  • Writer's pictureNick C. Goins Jr.

The Pissed Take - Aquaman

Release Date 21Dec2018

AQUAMAN -or- The amazing adventures of dudebro Water-Thor: King of undersea Aswakandagard!

This movie was WAY too long. Had the movie stuck to the 2 hr mark, I may have liked it more. That said, despite the home run made by the art department and FX teams, this movie is a strict exercise in the dumb.

Like... egregiously dumb, written by drunk ermines dumb.

So dumb it very nearly overwhelms the near forgivable cheesiness of the overall experience. Oh yes, there is plenty of cheese here. No gouda. Good old-fashioned government cheese... and this movie knows it.

The performances are clearly worth at least a paycheck and there are (sadly) the now rote lack of emotional connections or stakes.

But the speshal 'fecs is gud!

Aw yeah, all the pretty boom boom money can buy is puked out of the screen into your visual cortex every 5 minutes and for the most part works as the best part of an over 2 1/2 hr endurance test.

Not much else to say. Go for the light show, stay for the cheese... if you must.

-Mr. Pissed

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