• Nick C. Goins Jr.

The Pissed Take - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Release Date 21Jul2017


VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS or Why Luc Besson, SciFi, Drugs and bacon don't mix.

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Valerian and the city of a thousand worlds is pretty. In point of fact, it is VERY pretty. This film boast some incredibly vivid visuals that are further augmented by some of the most effective 3D I've ever seen. This is used to a most satisfying effect In the films awesome title sequence set to Bowie's "Space Oddity" that depicts the humble beginnings and growth of the titular "City".

That's the end of the good stuff.

Based on French comics series "Valérian and Laureline" created by writer Pierre Christin and artist Jean-Claude Mézières with a run from 1967 to 2010, VALERIAN is *both* a loving homage and a pale vapid ripoff - a fan film in the worst way.

As I stated before the visuals are for the most part Top shelf, in this regard much of the visual language of the film is in line with the comic. The execution is where this show goes wrong. FIRST, the leads have less chemistry than a dolphin trying to shag a lemur, for serious. Stars Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne simply do not work. SECONDLY, the plot is so convoluted and full of tonal changes as to frequently be pointless to follow. I seriously was waiting for the next 3D joy ride to happen so I could get past the pain of rolling my eyes too much.

THIRDLY, much of this film liberally borrows from other sci-fi properties, fair play, as many sci-fi properties borrowed from the comic. However, when you fail to do anything new or exciting with it, it sort of defeats the purpose of doing anything at all. FINALLY, this film and it's creators clearly want to do more installments, a real shame as you can see some promise there. Sadly, this film has shit the box office bed and been critically savaged to an irreparable degree.

Do check out the excellent comic series. Check out the film if you give no shites and just want to see the best 3D since "Gravity"... ONE AND DONE!

-MR. PISSED

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