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  • Writer's pictureNick C. Goins Jr.

The Pissed Take - Star Wars:Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker

Release Date 20Dec2019

STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER --or-- "Everything you are doing is bad. I want you to know this." --AKA-- "♫For the memories of a lifetime, RETCON, RETCON, RETCON.♫"

NO SPOILERS: I may do an in depth teardown of this potpourri of suckery in the penultimate chapter of the Skywalker saga.

Once again JJ Abrams proves there isn't a legitimately good idea in his head, and once again falls back on shitty editing, a metric fuck-ton of plots from the scrap box and boneheaded reveals from a telenovela.

Add to this the walking back of several elements from the previous film, kowtowing to the worst kinds of fan service, and you have a perfectly fine shit souffle for your enjoyment.

The most interesting, yet perplexing thing about all of this is, how perfectly intelligent people allow themselves to blindly accept trash when it is covered with their favorite things.

Millions have loved SW DEEPLY for 42 years. They have a connection to this property that, occasionally, goes beyond fandom. That type of person often finds it difficult to accept when things are going wrong or just plain wrong. So, they will tell themselves that everything's fine- avoid the fact that they were badly screwed, and defend the worst con as if it were their own child.

That's what these movies were you know- A CON. SW FAN- YOU GOT PLAYED.

A series of corporate decisions meant to take advantage of LOVE. Thing is, they didn't understand WHY people love SW. So, they wrap the corporate mandate in all the SW trapping they can find and ship it out, hoping for the best. They have been rewarded greatly for this.

They were rewarded for progressive displays of un-originality, mediocrity, laziness, fan service and boneheaded attempts at subversion.

Not the worst of it.

It seems that those that love this series, don't know why they love it either.

SEE IT: If you love STAR WARS so much you'll eat a SW branded rhino turd.

DON'T: If you're tired of seeing this franchise go down the shitter and, like, you have other things to do.

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