The Pissed Take - Mortal Kombat (2021)
Release Date 23Apr2021
MORTAL KOMBAT -aka- MORTAL THIRST TRAP *or* Seriously, watch this shit on HBO if you have to - DAMMIT, I slept on the Lizard vs Monkey flick.
To start: See Lizard vs Monkey movie in the Theatres, NOT this one.
MORTAL KOMBAT - of the two big dumb movies with simultaneous releases (Streaming & Theatrical), THIS is the one you should stream.
Even with the clearly much upgraded visual presentation, this movie still feels very much "small screen".
Stay at home.
I said dumb. This movie is DUUUUUUUMB... so dumb, it's "Dum". It doesn't do this film any favors, though with the earlier films from the elder times (respectively 1995, 1997) you may objectively find value in what, more often than not, is a solid slice of colby jack.
The visuals are pretty polished, the Subzero or Bi Han (Joe Taslam) and Scorpion or Hanzo Hasashi (Hiroyuki Sanada) storyline should have been the movie, Kano gets some nice laughs, the new character is useless- REALLY USELESS, the fight scenes are oddly lifeless and edited into pea soup, and the script was written by slow ponies... in chalk... in a monsoon... on wax paper. For serious.
I'll say it again: The Scorpion and Subzero plotline should have just been the whole movie. Added to which, Messirs Sanada and Taslam are the most watchable people in the movie... besides Josh Lawson as Kano who improvised much of his dialogue. Fuckin' beauty!
MORTAL KOMBAT, the name of the movie and most importantly THE TOURNAMENT... doesn't happen.
Yep, this is a prequel story to the actual Tournament storyline - the very reason for the source material.
If you care about such shits...
SEE IT!: If you're a die hard MK fan and love any fanfic that gets sharted out... and this is exactly that.
DON'T: If you're a MK fan and would like to see a version that recognizes that it was always ENTER THE DRAGON meets RAY HARRYHAUSEN and believe that is doable, while still being ridiculous and fun. Also, if you're... like, doing other things.