The Pissed Take - 65
Release Date 10Mar2023
65 -or- AFTER EARTH 2: MAYBE ADAM DRIVER WILL MAKE THIS BETTER? *AKA* I am certain at this point that most of Hollywood is run by partially sentient toast.
65 is OK. Not bad, not great, and certainly not as fun as it should be.
NO SPOILERS (Though I am considering a spoiler section for when we start shooting the video reviews)
65 is a science fiction action thriller, about a pilot conveying his cryoslumbering passengers across space when an asteroid shower damages the ship, and sends it crashing onto a primeval world of strange creatures and shit.
I mentioned the 2013 film AFTER EARTH, starring Will and Jayden Smith. That's because this movie, with a few differences, is basically the same movie. This is apparent 10 minutes into the movie and carries itself through it's runtime. As such this movie shares its predecessor's penchant for padding the runtime of what should've been a short film. The whole thing is kind of BLAH.
THE GOOD: Any good to come from watching this comes from the two leads (Adam Driver and Ariana Greenblatt), who work well together as The Pilot Mills and his young ward, Koa. The emotional connection these actors make with their characters is so much better than the Smiths in AE - playing two blood related pieces of driftwood.
The rest. It is absolutely possible to take the story or basic premise of a failed movie and make something better, even great, from it. THE THING, THE MALTESE FALCON, HEAT, and DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS come to mind. However, making copy-pasta out of After Earth, and lazily replacing a few things... brings us back once again to incentivization and commodifying of mediocrity. Movies like this used to be low budget cheapies that justified the existence of bargain bins and dollar store collections. Times change, production budgets artificially inflate, and the idea that bad writing gets better by committee rather than utilizing someone to whom writing is au fait is the norm.
Makes me mad enough to shite an air fryer sometimes.
STREAM, HO!!! Worth an afternoon diversion, maybe. Also, if you're silly for Adam Driver... but seriously, calm yourself dear.
DON'T SEE IT:
If After Earth was enough ... and if you're currently separating the crystals from Folgers instant coffee to power your latest useless million dollar idea.